If I Were A Boy

I have been thinking about it since,i was a child.I bet on that every girl atleast once in their life have thought about it."If I were a boy life would have been easier" thats what i have been thinking.But I am sure every one else have their own reasons so,do I.That doesn't mean I am not proud being a girl.Perhaps , Girls are the most beautiful creation of the God.But,I dont know why this thought crossed my mind,everytime i wished to live in a fear free world.I have so many fears that I dont show but that doesn't mean It's not there.It's all there.But I pretend to be strong enough to handle all of them. Either this fear is increasing or I am exaxrating it.Whateva It is I,I do feel that this world is safer for boys than a girl. Ugh hate this feeling "i am gng to ruin that positive side of me with this negativity".

INCREDIBLE INDIA

Woke Up at 5:30 Am Today , Vomated Alot But that's not the matter of concern.

What Got my mind today was front page of 'Times Of India'.

First thing I read was "Police Shield 'Rapist' Who Repeat Crime and Get Killed".

Some Mani Parsad Singh of remote village in Saharsa Distric got killed by two men,

Whose Mothers,Sisters were being raped for ages and Police didn't give a Shit about it.

That's what I am worried about,What the hell is going on.How can officers be so 

irresponsible or unhuman in such sensitive cases.I'll neva find a word for people like this.

Second News I read was also about women Headline was " 'MISCREANTS' BID TO SILENCE VICTIMS OF ACID ATTACK".

Those two acid attacks victims were also from Bihar,Acid was thrown on the two on OCTOBER 12,2012.

The Girl's father has informed Maner Police Station So many times about the Miscreants and the horrifying incidents,But in Vain.

One of them was going to appear in court today for the first time in all these years.

I am doubting girls are safe in Bihar or anywhere else in India,Because No one cares about Justice.

What matters is money and power Nothing else.

Third Case Was from Mumbai headline goes like this "WOMAN IN COMA FOR 42 YEARS AFTER SEXUAL ASSUALT,DIES"

Subheading was 'Hospital Was Her Home'.Aruna Shanbaug was 25,When She was brutally raped by ward boy Sohanlal Valmiki at KEM 

Hospital On Nov 27,1973.She was a Nurse back then,to pin her down,valmiki almost strangled her with a dog chain,causing irreversible 

damage to her brain,Reducing her to a Vegitative State for the past 42 years. Sohanlal was caught and convicted and served two concurrent

seven years sentences for Assault and Robbery,But Nither for rape nor for the alleged offence of "Unatural Sex". What India was back then is exactly the same,

It doesnt change that much,Because Rape Victims died,dies and will die or Survived and are surviving without Fair Justice.Maybe there are so many fake cases 

but that does mean women didnt get raped, They do.That's what "Incredible India" is for me.

Here Government is busy taking revanges and playing the blame game .

No one cares about corrupt officers,leaders,Bussinessman,Teachers every profession is full of corrupt people here,And we are cool with it.

Because we work on this strategy "Whateva Others Are Suffering is Never going to hurt me So,Why do I care? I am not a social worker or leader,If I can live a 

luxurious life,Why do I care about people on Footpaths".Now,I can proudly say "We Indians are great in every possible way"

That's all now me too going to forget about all this,These victims doesnt make sense,I should sleep with peace in my mind,like everything is Normal in this world.

LOVE OF MY LIFE :*

Some People are So perfect in every possible way that ,You cant explain them in words.

That's what i feel about Shah Rukh Khan.My never ending love for you gets more and more everyday.

I wish,I can be like u,Talk like you,But I cant because "Perfection in You Is Just Like Sugar In The Milk".

I wonder,How can Anyone hate on you,Because there is nothing I dislike.Someone Says that When you love someone truly you will always find good about them even in the worst situations..

Yes.I do love you and i dont know why ? If I'll find a reason to love someone that will make my love reasonable.

I think alot about you.You are always with me ,If I am a better person than before then all the credits goes to you.Everything you do is my area of interest.

Whenever anyone talk crap abot you I become rebellious. If this love isnt true,I have never loved anyone.I talk alot alot everything,But when it comes to you,I feel like I'll never stop talking .

That's all I just love you unconditionally and will do always Big Hug Love <3 :* 

Good Night 

NEVER ENDING FIGHTS OF MINE

"No one understands me" This is the ultimate truth,And if I wish something,I will always get opposite of that. Things are not smooth for me even in a better situation. Something is wrong and I will never get to know that looks like all my life,I will wonder what will i do, so that my family will get happy. They are not happy with me, My lifestyle, My thoughts everything i do is wrong for them. I am really disappointed with the fact that "No one understands me" why what's wrong with  me. Why i have to explain so much to my parents,obviously they are strict not friendly with me,Thats why they will never get to know the real me. It's weird really it is, when your home feels like a strange place like i have been living with strangers all these years.No one knows me better than my friends. I dont like going to hostel only because of food otherwise maybe that is the best escape for me, Where i can be myself do whatever i feel like doing and i know that no one will judge me by my actions. I can't be living here in group of judgemental people. They have their own reasons for being like this and i have my own existence.

I am just a work in progress with so many hurdles. It's hard really it is when u hate the way 

your loved one thinks but just because they are your parents you can't hate them. That's what i do

i hate everyone with narrow thinking except my parents. Hahaha i know cold war has just began 

between me and my reasons of existance. So many responsibilities even if i am right i have to bear

with what they think. That's what i can't digest. I don't know what is gonna happen but i hope it will

be better than what it was.

 That's all for today love everyone.

PEOPLE AROUND ME

Summer vacations are not about having fun or just going home for me,

Its alot about learning new things about life and How people react to things

and How My parents are in delima of being modern with their roots!!!

It's not that simple ,its complicated as i know i think alot about everything around

me so, I analyzed things and somewhere I know,Its not worth doing but I do think alot.

So here it is I am home and so much marrriages are happening in neighbourhood.

So i got to interact with lots of narrow minded people and even if I dont talk my observation

cant go wrong,And I got to know the real reason behind every problem that a girl faces in

a conservative society.Nothing much is changed here.Girls are treated as if they are object not a human.They are being objectified and this happens to everyone here so, no partiality with me.

Villages are good,poor,pollution free but people with polluted mind live here,16 year old girl is

getting married and she was happy with it. Now, here people dont have sense they can talk crap

right infront of your face and you cant help it, because they are BUJURG. I was angry when some

uncle of mine commented that "My father have to pay for our marriages" you mean seriously

Now,i am being measured by how much dowry my in-laws will get.No i am not a object so, dont give me a market value. I am just a simple girl with a simple dreams dont spoil it by being rude and offensive because i dont want to think alot. And this society sucks #PoorPeople #PoorMentality# HypocriteSociety #NothingToDoWithIt.

"I hate people who is judgemental and Who dont know real meaning of life, Marriages are for happiness not just the sake of doing it . Marriages are part of life. I agree but its not life.

                                  people come to earth people live here, In between they get married.

DEATHS :(

Deaths take alot from their loved ones. And i encountered one recently this summer.

I am not that emotional according to me i can control my feelings, I dont express that

much but recently i felt the harsh truth of being a living person or animal or thing is death.

And how it feels when someone die who was important to you. I have seen so many of them

but this one was the hardest to expect. I was not sad i was in shock or trouma where everything

was going in my head. I was so selective about my words when i was consoling her because i felt

that it hurts much much more than i have ever thought. There was a fear that one day its going

to happen with me too,What will I do?because I am so emotional about everyone I love, I cant imagine they will disappear all of sudden. I think this is the biggest fear of my life now a days, I dont want to loose anyone. All that was in my mind throughout the journey. I came back home because,I didn't want to regret like Aahu did. These things are like i will never get over may his soul RIP and I

will find peace in this virtual life. :)

Deepika Padukone – "My Choice" Directed By Homi Adajania - Vogue Empower

Late night dairies2

"people who think they r good bcz they r obidient religious sanskari nd all that good wrds they dnt knw they r missing freedom of life,they dnt have their own agenda or freedom of xpression bcz they live in restrictions of evrthing they follow which is nt their thoughts .they dnt even knw what they want nd what is wrng or right they jst follow someone who is said to be right.. nd i hate those ppl"

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Humans dont do anything without a reason they need justification that why they are doing this but let me tell you something.no one need a reason to help people who needs a help from someone who will selflessly help them without expecting anything from them.. its rare when u find someone like this but we can be like this. "be a change that u want to see in the world" ~Mahatma Gandhi 

HOME SWEET HOME

kabhi kabhi bht gussa aata hai na,jab maa baap ajeebo grib logics dete hai.
jaise tum bade ho gaye ho kisi particular kam k liye nd phir thode hi der me apne umar walo k hisab ki baatein kiya karo bado k mamle me tang adane ki jarurat nahi h.

m so connfused kabhi wo log bolte hai ki humare liye to tum budhe bhi ho jao bachhe hi rahoge lekin ye acha thodi nah lagta h ki budhape tak maa baap pamper karte rahe.
jaise ki man lo ki mai cartoon dekh rahi hu to bolenge ki itni badi ho gayi ho abhi kya bekar ki chije dekh rahi ho bina muh kan wale log nd agar mai koi mve dekh rahi hu nd usme koi scene aa jata h adult wala to bolenge yahi sab youth ko bigad rahe hai where is ur sanskar .

what is this man?this is nt done.maine parents se jayda hypocrite prani kahi  nahi dekha hai,they are like leaders of our country nd we childrens r like aam aadmi jisko government confuse karti rahati hai
wo khud aapko bolenge ki beta logo ki dekha dekha nahi karte.mere papa ka common sa dilouge hai jo wo mujhe humesha dete hai it goes like dat "beta bhid k sath chalogi to kho jaogi,kuch mahan karne k liye bhid se alag chalna hota hai."

maine kaha true bht sahi baat kahi aapne.nd uske baad jab bheed se alag hoke kuch kam kar do jaise  xams me kam score karte ho nd aapka padosi achhe marks le aaye to yahi papa bolenge ki "itne kam marks,suresh bhaiya k ladake ko dekho kitne achhe percentage aaye hai uske kuch sikhti q nahi us se"
maine ek baat notice kiya hai commonly mere parents ko leke unko duniya k sare bachhe achhe sanskari nd kabil lagate hai except unke khud ke.

ek to unko kabhi bharosa nahi hoga ki mai kabhi kuch kar paungi nd dusri baat agar kuch galati se acha ho gaya to beti kiski hai lo sara credit genes ko ....
nd emotional atyachaars when u dnt call them,clg jake maa baap ko bhul gayi hai paise to mil hi jate hai aur kya chahiye,nd jab mai papa ko call karti hu "hello,kya kam hai"
to jab koi kaam hoga tabhi call karungi na.jab aap unko bologe ki papa i dnt agree with u.he will tell me dat "ho sakta hai ki tum jayda qualified ho bt jindagi xperience se samajhi jati hai.
bachhe bade hoke maa baap ko kuch nahi samajhte.

last vacation was epic as we knw ki clgs k reputation kitne kharab hai parents ki najar me nd ye news channels wale to aur bhi jayda insecure bana rahe h parents ko
meri mum ne muchse puchha ki "tumko kya lagta hai jo log shadi se pahale ye sab (sex,kisses n oll) kar rahe kya wo sahi kar rahe hai qki maine tumhare clg k couples ko bahar hath pakad k ghumte dekha tha nd m sure ki wo log aisa kuch karte honge(nd wo galati se kolkatta k victoria garden bhi chale gaye the)"

maine mera jo point of veiw tha bola "yeah,its k if they want to do it.they r in love nd if both of them r fine then its k." u can imagine my moms reaction.....she was like i knew it u r on wrng track.how can u support such a shame.

I told her that look sex is nt shame rape is bt what r u dng to stop it nothing nah intead u r defending it by saying that its girls.its bcz of they r wearing shorts nd roaming till late in nights nd having drinks.
She was so angry with me,i was like what is fault even i havnt selpt with anyone why r u angry with me.

u dnt believe it what my mom has to say,she said that u r defending those morons bcz u r like them.she was really offended by me.

unhone mujhe promise tak liya ki mai aisa nahi karungi,ye paap hai ! ...... tab se maine soch liya ki maa baap ki bas sun lo apni rai nd point of view batane se kuch nahi hoga khud ko prblm ho jayegi.
nd us din ek aur baat clear ho gayi ki mai jab apne maa papa ko nahi samjha sakati to baki duniya ko samjhane ka soch bhi nahi sakati...

May god bless me,so i can deal with them its realy hard to get them right..anyways i love them <3

      Vacation Dairies...

Late night Dairies

Something is wrong with me.I have problems,but what is the problem?I cant sleep at nights....is there something,I am worried about...placements? nope so what,whats the problem man why cant i sleep?i dnt write either.m useless.i havnt done anything productive till date..m worried abt my future yeah hope so bt m nt doing anything to get it right.as usual m nt doing classes,wasting all my time in virtual world..m such a lame........y m i writting all this?bcz i have read somewhere dat if u cant sleep early write ur worries before sleeping.u'll get a good sleep.so m trying,lets see i'll have a good sleep or not gd nit blog muaah sweet dreams ...... :*

Mai

mai dhup hu mai chhaaon bhi
mai hu tarang mai naav bhi
mai hu dhuaan mai aag bhi
mai hi to hu har saans me
mai kuch nahi mai sabkuch bhi
mujhko mera ehsaas hai
kan-kan ko meri pyaas hai
mai aaj hu mai kal bhi hu
mai pyar bhi vishwas bhi
mai raag hu vairaag hu
sab mere hi to roop hai
mera mujhme kuch nahi
bas pyas hai aur aag bhi
kuch kah bhi du ya na kahu
aur kah bhi du to kya kahu
kuch aur khud ko jan lu
is mai me sari duniya hai
kya kya kahu kya naam du
ye mai bada pechida hai

is mai ko ab viram du